Stranger Than Usual

• Why are all of your letters addressed to "Commander Badass"?
• Yeeeaah… That's my official title.

Think of it this way: You can either have some snooty elf screaming in your face about trees, or you can have some kobold doing its best impersonation of how snooty elves act squeeking and trying to wave around the long flowing hair it doesn't have in a mockery of elven tradition.

Tipp: Schlösser aufschließen geht am besten, wenn man den richtigen Schlüssel verwendet.

Let me get this straight, the four of you built a house and all four of you forgot where it was?

It's submodules all the way down!

Any headline that ends in a question mark can be answered by the word no.

Believe me, my friend. I too have spent many nights trying to drown my sorrows in guacamole.

There is no such thing as anonymized data.

Damn it — I can be just as stubborn as this thing.

Stopped cats from dying of alcohol poisoning after walking over damp tavern floors and cleaning themselves (reduced effect)

The thing I hate about optimism is that it happens so often, they gave it a name!

Darauf möchte ich nur in nichtöffentlicher Sitzung antworten.

These comically huge homepages for projects designed to make the web faster are the equivalent of watching a fitness video where the presenter is just standing there, eating pizza and cookies.

Arguing that you don't care about the right to privacy because you have nothing to hide is no different than saying you don't care about free speech because you have nothing to say.

Become a programmer, they said. It'll be fun, they said.

Ich hoffe, das sieht niemand. Ich hoffe einfach, das sieht niemand.

• We're going to be in so much trouble — and it's all your fault!
• Aw, you always say that.
• Because it's always true!

Here comes your 19th nervous breakdown

Die ham immer was zu tun, immer was zu tun
Das Leben ist zu kurz, um sich auszuruhn
Die Harten stehn mim Spaten im Garten

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

I'M GOING TO TEAR OFF YOUR HEAD AND HIT YOU IN THE FACE WITH IT!

0005971: Fat dwarves eating causes lag.

WHAT YOU THINK THE DOCTOR IS GONNA DIAGNOSE FROM UNDERNEATH THE PATIENT?

Ohmygod. I'd built a self-destruct lever into my smelter.

Kurze Durchsage der Uno: Internetzensur ist eine Menschenrechtsverletzung.

Leider kann ich das Video davon nicht zeigen, weil Youtube sich nicht mit der Gema einigen konnte.

Clinton: "S-so, uh, what brings you here today?"
Emily: "Dogs!"
Clinton: "...Dogs?"
Emily: "Dogs! ♫DOOOOOGS♫ Dogs!"
Clinton: "Dogs?!"

The Republican National Convention in Cleveland, the most apocalyptic thing ever to happen to that city and bear in minds, their river has repeatedly caught fire.

Professor, my program won't compile and also it's displaying eldritch runes.

My father one wrote a monograph on how to communicate in the workplace.

All seven popes ordered it burned.

Despite our protests, most celestial objects don't give a shit if we can see them or not.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

I have one of those metabolisms where I can eat whatever I want and my body converts it into energy and stores the excess as fat.

Nobody hates software more than software developers.

Anyway, there's plenty of room for doubt. It might seem easy enough, but computer language design is just like a stroll in the park.

Jurassic Park, that is.

Well, I have learned that parallel Dimensions are super boring.

Frog Smoothie.

undefined is not a function

The financial crises of the nineteenth century were successfully ended by ending the century; they were succeeded by the crises of the twentieth century.

Every programming language embodies in it a philosophy about how problems should be solved. C reduces all problems to manipulations of memory addresses. Java turns every problem into a set of interacting objects. JavaScript summons Shub-Niggurath, the black goat of the woods with a thousand young, to eat the eyes of developers.

In 1969, a group of three former U.S. military officers led an invasion of Earth's nearest peaceful neighbor in space. At the end of their eight-day mission, nobody was left alive on the moon.

For example, it would definitely be horrible if your browser’s scripting language combined the prototype-based inheritance of Self, a quasi-functional aspect borrowed from LISP, a structured syntax adapted from C, and an aggressively asynchronous I/O model that requires elaborate callback chains that span multiple generations of hard-working Americans. OH NO I’VE JUST DESCRIBED JAVASCRIPT.

Scott Pilgrim ISN'T REAL?!

She's booooring! She doesn't want to commit any crimes. She doesn't have your super power, so she can't make me a dark energy powered hair dryer I can use to terrify the scientific community.

This is a lot like teaming with Lucyfar, only without forgetting to commit your crime because you got distracted by terrifying a man who kicked a dog.

• “Listen, I can't talk right now. I'm at school… in a closet… A locked closet.”
• “HUH?! D'joo scone the local protein already?!”
• “…It was a small, cheerful girl that did this, actually.”

You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world

But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out

These days the probably all come with deep learning or whatever. Drones, I mean. Maybe cats too.

The Computer is your friend. The Computer wants you to be happy. Happiness is mandatory. Failure to be happy is treason. Treason is punishable by summary execution.

This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

The Sofa King is Sofa-King finished here.