Nicht alles hier ist ein Zitat
Zitate als fortune-Datenbank herunterladen— Jason Chesterfield (It's Walky)What is it with you people and windows?!
— Bob (Gunnerkrigg Court)Haha! Not just cows, laser cows! They keep the grass trim.
Just like real cows!
Only with lasers.
— Real Programmers
- Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTOs.
- Real Programmers can write five page long DO loops without getting confused.
- Real Programmers like Arithmetic IF statements-- they make the code more interesting.
- Real Programmers write self-modifying code, especially if they can save 20 nanoseconds in the middle of a tight loop.
- Real Programmers don't need comments-- the code is obvious.
— Dwarf fortress wikiThis is an engraving of a Scamps and a shoe by 'Toady One' Adams. The Scamps is striking a menacing pose. The shoe is making a plaintive gesture. The artwork relates to the mortal wounding of a shoe by a Scamps in the late Spring of 2009 during the umpteenth attempted siege of the living room by shoes.
This is serious business!
— Pirates of the CaribbeanJack Sparrow: Who makes all these?
Will Turner: I do. And I practice with them three hours a day.
Jack Sparrow: You need to find yourself a girl, mate.
— Droggelbecher (Droggelbecher)Droggelbecher? Droggelbecher.
Minecraft ADS:
Aufmerksamkeitsdefizit... SCHAFE!
— GronkhIdiotenhunde!
— xkcdEverybody stand back.
I know regular expressions.
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you.
— Othar Tryggvassen, Gentleman Adventurer (Girl Genius)Ha!
It'll take more than
- being tied to a lit keg of explosives
- and tossed into a pit of acid
- filled with mutant, acid-resistant flying piranhas
- equipped with flame-throwers and battle-axes
- while venomous mechanical, missile-launching morris dancers
- armed with liquid nitrogen harpoon guns are overhead; riding giant, rabid killer bees, with side-mounted death rays
to kill Othar Tryggvassen!
In your Phase, Cosine!
— Pirates of the CaribbeanBarbossa: So what now, Jack Sparrow? Are we to be two immortals locked in an epic battle until Judgment Day and trumpets sound?
Jack Sparrow: Or you could surrender.
— Belkar Bitterleaf(Order of the stick)I AM A SEXY SHOELESS GOD OF WAR!!!
Den Kaktus behalten wir.
— Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG 455Styrofoam is not an appropriate component for golems.
— The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil OverlordNo matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
— Gary (The Gamers: Dorkness rising)Raise Dead on the turkey
— Xykon (Order Of The Stick)Hey - wait a second. I know who you are now!
You're that guy! The one who kept getting pissed off at me for not remembering... something.
— Grace Sciuridae (El Goonish Shive)DIE BY THE SHELLS OF YOUR FALLEN COMRADES, YOU @#$! TURTLES!
I'm actually okay with turtles, but these ones kidnap princesses. That's just wrong.
— Walky (Dumbing of Age)Man, is it uphill on the way home, too? How is that possible?
This campus is a friggin' Escher print.
— frei nach "Piled higher and Deeper"Beware the power of procrastination.
— xkcd: what if?I’ve always thought that one of the the great thing about physics is that you can add more digits to any number and see what happens and nobody can stop you.
— Dwarf FortressUrist McMiner cancels drink: Interrupted by carp.
— The nameless hero (Piled higher and Deeper)I am not lazy, I am an effort minimalist.
— Professor S. WinterIntegrieren ist Summieren für Angeber.
— StarkRavingMad (Boatmurdered)So the merchants arrive to see blood and vomit everywhere, us hauling corpses en masse to the graveyard, a couple rampaging elephants
WELCOME TO FUCKING BOATMURDERED!
— Dwarf fortress wikiYou can wield a sword, shield, and crutch all in one hand, so even if you are missing an arm then you're all set. If you are missing both arms but still have both legs then unfortunately you'll be limited to biting, dodging, and wrestling with legs. If you're missing both arms and one leg then your movement will be limited and you'll be limited to biting and wrestling with your one remaining leg. And if all limbs are missing then you'll be limited to rolling around on the ground biting things.
— Chaos auf DeponiaRufus: "seufz Was für eine Frau."
Doc: "Spinnst du? Sie wird uns alle umbringen!"
Rufus: "Ich finde sie lässig."
— Renard (Gunnerkrigg Court)I tremble in the presence of your terrifying skills of gardening, Ysengrin.
— Prof. SimonRekursion kann töricht sein.
— Guybrush Threepwood (Monkey Island)Ich bin Guybrush Threepwood, ein mächtiger Pirat.
— Girl GeniusGil: "Are you kidding?! Look at that thing!"
Agatha: "Yesterday, you took out a whole army of clanks!"
Gil: "That was a small army. This is a big spider!"
— xkcdHoly shit.
Guys.
People are complicated!
— QuelleHoney Badger don't care. Honey Badger don't give a shit.
— Badger songBadger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger
— ZorkIt is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
— Conina and Rincewind (Sourcery)'Quick, you must come with me,' she said. 'You're in great danger!'
'Why?'
'Because I will kill you if you don't.'
— Wladimir Kaminer, Mein deutsches DschungelbuchMeine Anfrage Betreffs Meinzerhagen konterte der Computer mit einer Gegenfrage — ich sollte die Endzielangaben konkretisieren:
»Wollen Sie nach Meinzerhagen-Bausparkasse, Meinzerhagen-Apotheke, Meinzerhagen-Stadthalle oder Meinzerhagen-Valbert?«
Wenn der Computer selbst anfängt, Fragen zu stellen, dann ist das ein schlechtes Zeichen. Dieses Überangebot an Endstationen konnte nur eins bedeuten: dass es in Meinzerhagen keinen Bahnhof gibt.
Wenn ich in einem Supermarkt Produkt A suche, dann überlege ich mir, wo man es denn sinnvollerweise hinpacken könnte und suche dann woanders. Das klappt erstaunlich gut.
— Clients From HellThe website is not clean and simple enough! We need to add more stuff until it is!
— Bastard Operator From HellI reassign null to be the tape device - it's so much more economical on my time as I don't have to keep getting up to change tapes every 5 minutes. And it speeds up backups too, so it can't be all bad can it? Of course not.
— Dr. Fred Edison (Day of the tentacle)Erstens: Pläne finden
Zweitens: Welt retten
Drittens: raus aus meinem Haus!
— xkcdExcuse me, but real programmers use butterflies.
— Renard (Gunnerkrigg Court)Haha! Watch, as human technology crumbles before me!
— Maurice der Kater»Im Stadtmuseum gibt es einen erhaltenen Rattenkönig. Er schwimmt in einem großen Glas mit Alkohol.«
»Ist er tot?«
»Oder sehr, sehr betrunken.«
— Das Leben des BrianROMANES EVNT DOMVS
— Baron Wulfenbach (Girl Genius)Dupree. When I say the words "Alive and unharmed"—
—do any neurons actually fire in that brain of yours?
— nethack (after I accidently hit the wrong keys)You have finished eating the rotten kobold corpse.